Unoffical, For Official Partners

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: idonthavelife.com Announces Groundbreaking, Entirely Unsanctioned Partnership with the National Collegiate Athletic Association

[Intercourse, Pennsylvania] – In a move that will undoubtedly send shockwaves through the hallowed halls of collegiate sports and leave blue-blooded sponsors trembling in their luxury boxes, idonthavelife.com, the internet’s premier destination for… well, you know…past it’s prime blogging, unworthy news reporting, and not kind of enjoyable content, today proudly and unilaterally declared itself the Unofficial Partner of the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA).

This audacious partnership, forged not in boardrooms but in the dimly lit corners of the internet, promises to bring a fresh, irreverent, and entirely unauthorized perspective to the world of college athletics.When reached for comment, a representative from idonthavelife.com (who wishes to remain as anonymous as the website’s numerous ghost authors) stated, “Let’s be honest, the NCAA needs us. Who else is going to truly capture the raw emotion of filling out a busted bracket while simultaneously avoiding all real-world responsibilities? We are the voice of the people… the people who definitely don’t have lives during March Madness.”

The NCAA, however, seemed less enthusiastic about this self-proclaimed alliance. In a series of terse and clearly unscripted responses, our attempts to reach them yielded the following official (and we stress, *entirely* fabricated) statements: Kevin Hall, allegedly a spokesperson for the NCAA, stated with palpable irritation, *”Please stop calling this number. We have reported your number as spam.”

Another individual, purportedly a high-ranking official who refused to give their name but sounded remarkably like they were trying to stifle laughter, reportedly said, “We are not aware of this web domain or what it is trying to associate with. Our official partners are valued members of the NCAA family. This… ‘idonthavelife.com’… is not a member of that family. Or any known family, frankly.”

Perhaps the most candid response came from a source we can only identify as “someone who sounded very tired and possibly in charge of finances,” who allegedly quipped, *”We only deal with boosters looking to dump off their unsecured money laundry, not poorly designed websites made twenty years past their prime.”*Despite the NCAA’s apparent lack of enthusiasm, idonthavelife.com remains steadfast in its commitment to this unofficial partnership.

Plans are already underway for exclusive (and likely legally questionable) content, including: The Unofficial Injury Report; Featuring questionable diagnoses based on blurry game footage and fan speculation.

Power Rankings Based on Which Mascot Looks Most Likely to Win in a Street Fight.

**A Bracket Challenge Where the Goal is to Get the Most Picks Wrong.**

**Live Commentary from Our Team of Highly Unqualified and Probably Intoxicated “Experts.”

“We believe this partnership is a match made in internet heaven,” the anonymous idonthavelife.com representative concluded. “They have the games, we have the… lack of a life. It’s a perfect synergy.”