Food reviewer article by: Ryan Huddler
Despite the complete absence of my desired edible items, I must commend the restaurant on its minimalist décor.
My Pickle Fry Review (Spoiler: They Were Chicken)
The menu, featuring the Million Dollar Whopper(s), while extensive and tantalizing, proved to be purely theoretical.
Placed on the register were printed notices to inform us that they were ‘experiencing some… logistical challenges’ with their supply chain. Apparently, the entire city had simultaneously run out of every single ingredient listed on the menu. So it seemed, more or less. Forget anything that might be a specialty.
The pickle fries should be available, I assured myself. Excitedly I opened the greased paper bag eager to taste that fried pickle brine. As looked over the first pickle fry, a golden-brown hue that was… surprisingly reminiscent of poultry. I took a tentative bite, and the initial sensation was… unexpected. There was a distinct… chicken-like quality to the flavor profile.
The texture was intriguing. A crisp exterior gave way to a tender, almost meaty interior. The characteristic ‘snap’ of a pickle, that satisfying resistance against the teeth, was conspicuously absent. In its place was a… yielding texture, a softness that spoke of… well, something decidedly less… pickled. It was as if the pickles had undergone some sort of… avian transformation.
Was that perhaps a faint whisper of dill? Or was that just the lingering aroma of the adjacent chicken sandwich? It was difficult to say with certainty. I detected a faint… tang. Was it the anticipated brine of the pickle? Or perhaps a subtle note of… poultry seasoning? It was difficult to discern, the nuances masked by the delicate dance of fried potato and… what I desperately hoped was pickle essence. One could almost detect the faint ghost of a pickle, perhaps a fleeting whisper of vinegar, but alas, the dominant note was undeniably… fowl.
Perhaps the kitchen was experimenting with a new ‘reverse pickling’ technique? Or perhaps there had been some… cross-contamination in the fryer? The possibilities were endless, and frankly, quite unsettling. There was a certain… ‘springiness’ to the fry that was remarkably similar to the texture of… well, let’s just say it reminded me of something that clucks.
The aftertaste, while distinctly chicken, possessed a curious… ‘pickle-adjacent’ quality. It was as if the essence of pickle had been… sublimated into the very fabric of the fry. I consulted my ‘Pickle Flavor Wheel’ (a highly specialized culinary tool that I carry with me at all times), but I could find no corresponding entry for this… ‘chicken-pickle’ sensation. It was a culinary anomaly, a deviation from the established pickle paradigm.
Fortunately, the accompanying ‘Ranch Dipping Elixir’ provided a welcome counterpoint to the… unexpected flavor profile. The creamy, herbaceous sauce enveloped the fries, creating a harmonious symphony of dill and… well, something else. One could almost imagine the faint ghost of a pickle lurking beneath the surface, a fleeting whisper of vinegar struggling to emerge from the depths of the… chicken-infused fry. It was a culinary enigma, a riddle wrapped in a potato, shrouded in sauce.
As I had already committed to not being hungry, I accepted the undesired chicken fries and hold hope for the day when I do receive the intended deep fried breaded vegetable product I seek.